That Feeling

Dear Lord,

Today I got that horrible feeling again. The feeling where my heart just drops to my stomach, the beat goes faster, and heat take over my body. This is the feeling I get when I feel like a failure. I hate this feeling because it has been coming ever so often. I feel like I am never good enough and I just keep failing.

But I am sorry. I am sorry that I forget how big my God is and how NOTHING is impossible for you. I should have recognized that this is a test of my faith. I'm sorry if I did not do so well this time, but I am thankful. I am thankful that I serve a loving God who only gives me what I can handle. I am thankful that you are always by my side even until my breaking point.

Thank you Lord for lifting me up today. Without your word, guidance, and comfort, I don't know where I would be or if I'd even be here at all. Your promises truly help the hopeless and those who feel worthless.

Lord I know you have great plans for my life. I pray that I continue to be reminded that I will get through these trials and that nothing is impossible for my great God. I pray that when I hit rock bottom I will turn to you. All I need to do is remember your promises and you will take care of the rest.

Thank you Lord. I love you.

AMAZING SERMON PLEASE WATCH WHEN DISCOURAGED

http://www.livestream.com/angelustemplelive/video?clipId=pla_952226fb-e434-453b-8645-fdb787b8e17a&utm_source=lslibrary&utm_medium=ui-thumb

Let It Not Return Empty

In everything, it must be certain that my efforts hold value and are not in vain.
Trials and experiences build the foundation.
I want to take you with me.

It is the demonstration of concern for both the now and what is to come.
When I do, I don't just do.
Every action is issued with love and purpose.
I want to take you with me.

I am in the moments of fabricating my hopes and dreams.
These efforts take me closer to where I want to be.
There is a reason you are part of this process.

I want to take you with me.
Will you take me with you?

Dual Impact

At the thought of you I am proud.
At the sight of you I am heart broken.
How can I be both heart broken & proud at the same time?

It is you that manifests those feelings out of me.
You make your entrance, but tiresome surrounds you.
You hold up a smile, but your eyes and lines show restlessness.
Your beauty seeps through the blemishes of hard work and old age.
I see weakness trying to take over you, but you do not let it.

Instead, you bring hope and strength unto me.
You put a silence to my complaints.
Your every action speaks of love.
Despite your many years of toil and struggle, you continue with great strength

because you "are doing this for us."

You are my inspiration, my role model, and the reason I will not quit.
You've given to me. It is my turn to give unto you.

To Find Peace. My First Love.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior."

I miss the faith I had. I miss that mustard seed that could move mountains. It is as if the passion is deteriorating. This is not where I want to be, but I know as I sit and dwell on this there is a stirring in my heart. I want to be back in that place where joy overtook fear, where love was the greatest example. My hearts desire is to serve you Lord, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."  My heart aches at the thought of serving you, yet there's the hindrance, the obstacle, the battle of being "young, wild, and free." I beat myself up about it all the time and it breaks my heart to know that I am not whole heartedly pleasing you. For how can I serve a mighty God one moment and the next go out for a joyride? In this I cannot find peace, and this is my prayer.

Easy to please, I am left weak.

I'm not the hardest person in the world to please. As a matter of fact, I am easily flattered with just a few kind words or even a thoughtful act. As much as it is a good thing, in my world it makes things a bit difficult for me. Decision making becomes a difficult task. One moment I feel this way, the next I feel another. I'm always in a "tug-of-war" position and the main cause is because I am a people pleaser. At some points I feel as if it is a flaw of mine because priorities and resolutions become oppressing.

[To Do] I need to start putting myself first.

As much as I benefit from others and others benefit from me. There will be individuals or obstacles that will hold me back, but in the end I need to be reminded that the only person who knows me best is myself. I can please people with no end, but most importantly I need to be happy. I'm at the point where I need to come up with a resolution whole heartedly. I need to believe that whatever path I choose, it will be both for the best and God will make me prosper in that area. This is the challenge I have to set for myself: put yourself first and be certain that the path chosen is a path where growth will take place.

No accident.

It's interesting that I've come across this blog again. I went through each blog and I was able to relive each day I spoke about. I'm actually very thankful that I came across this blog because it brought back memories and experiences that I've either locked away or learned to forget about. I know there's a reason for everything. A lot has changed since then, and the one thing that I really took notice of was the passion I had with my faith. Therefore, coming across this blog was no accident. I miss that. Things were difficult back then, but I was always so optimistic because I knew God was in control. I needed that.

Thank you Shanel from the past for reminding me what I need to do in the future. Thank you for being so strong then and predicting that these blogs would help when you got older. I needed this.

Wish it won't.

My greatest fear:
If God took a step back.

Felt the need.

There's a lot going on for me right now & I need to start organzing/prioritizing things in their right places. I don't just want to go with the flow. I need to strictly set goals, because if I keep at it in this same way then I'll only be led to failure.

Such great passion.

Wow I haven't been on this in awhile, but this video just made me want to blog. This video is so powerful that I am left speechless, but I praise God for the amazing transformations that He performs. I really don't know what to say. I mean I really offer her my support and prayers because what she did is far beyond what I can ever do. What a great faith and great compassion for God. I can sit here and continue to be proud of this girl, but then again what am I doing? This video spoke to me in two ways. 1-God's love is so captivating. & 2-We must be like this girl. This girl really demonstrates giving your all to God. It's amazing. I'm not saying to go run away from your family, but we have to be like this girl and stand up for our God. I mean I'm still left speechless because at the same time I feel guilty because a girl even younger than me already knew how to willingly offer up everything she had for God. As for me I'm still struggling with that. Offering Him 100% is hard for me & it's still difficult at times to even offer 50%. I know I should be giving so much more than that because He deserves it. & I know that truly this girl will be blessed because she, such a young girl, stood up for Jesus in front of her parents, the Muslims, & just the whole ENTIRE world. Jesus does not ask for this much, but if we could He would really be blessed, but even just for now let's try to offer everything we can offer & He'll help us improve in that every time. Let's be a martyr for Christ in any way we can. If this girl can proclaim in front of the whole world that Jesus Christ is her Lord, then so can we. Jesus did not tell us that we would not go through persecutions, but the beauty of it is that we already have the victory. Please pray for our brothers and sisters out there who are offering their lives and their all, and pray for yourself so that you may be a great witness like this young girl.

PDF DAY 5

God wants you to pass the tests of life,
so he never allows the test you face to
be greater than the grace he give you
to handle them.

"1 Corinthians 10:13"

Blessing.

God is so good. I got to go at the very last minute :)

Be accountable.

If you're a friend or a family member of mine
& you notice something about my
words or actions that are not expected of
me, please do your part & convict me of it.
I'll appreciate it.


He who heeds discipline shows the way to life,
but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.
Proverbs 10:17

Why did I ever doubt you?

Last week was a pretty bad week for me. It just was not happenin', but as the week came to an end you know the big man upstairs lifted me up. God always makes away. He has healed me & I'm feeling stronger than I was before. Although my poor baby (laptop) is in the hospital right now, God has offered an alternative & lent me, although old, but still a well functioning laptop. In addition, He has truly helped me find great deals on books cause you know how that story goes :) I'm still praying for my class schedules. I'm hoping I find peace in the classes I am taking. It's the start of a new week & I'm praying that it goes better than last week. I mean I know it will as long as I lay it in God's hands. I need to keep up with that 3:00 PM prayer.

We're having a Good Friday performance
at church April 10th, if you can come then COME!
I am really excited because God has really blessed the youth group this year. There are new faces & new hearts that are hungry for Him. I can't wait and I know that it'll be perfect in God's eyes, because we're going to do our best :) I am really praying for more new faces in the audience this coming Friday, not so that they can see our talents, but only to witness God's glory. Cause really our performance is not for those people who are coming, we only have one audience to really satisfy. So I hope to see you guys there:
Faith In Christ Church South Bay. Get at me for more information :)

BTW prepare yourselves for Easter. The message was really good today. Easter preparation should be 10x greater than Christmas because it is the day that our Salvation has been declared. & not many people think of it that way. Christmas has got people lining up the day before just to get good deals on shopping, but for Easter preparation is the day of. Don't get me wrong Christmas is definitely a significant event, but it was on Easter that the child born on Christmas was crucified to save millions of lives from the sins of the world. I mean I am guilty of it, but now I know that this is the day that I should enthusiastically look forward to because it is because of this event that my life now, is so much better than it was before.

Blessings blessings blessings!
Don't you just love them.
I know I do :]
But it comes with a price.
Obedience & sacrifice.

Be still and know that he is God.

So here's my other story that I said I was going to talk about. I finally got to ride my board at school for the first time and that was to practice for IGGS. So I safely got to the plaza feeling all excited and happy that I got to ride my baby haha. I set my stuff down, bag & board, along the side of the stairs and then said wassup to everyone. We started our practice about 5 minutes later, so I was doing my thing and paying attention to that. A few minutes later while we were waiting for Ethan's instructions, I turn around and see that my board ISN'T THERE ANYMORE! For some reason I wasn't too shocked. I was just like what the heyoool, where's my board?! At first I thought, okay maybe someone's messing with me and just hid it, so waterbears righ. So I kept thinking about it & I was like okay, maybe they aren't messing with me because it's still not back. Two thoughts came to mind 1) someone stole it or 2) it roled into the bushes. I thought more on the someone stole it idea because it just seemed like it knowing that it disappeared in a cool minute. I did not want to interrupt the practice with my drama so in my head I tried to stay optimistic. I thought, okay if someone stole it, it's fine because that means I can buy a new one haha. Then I started praying, "Lord, whoever stole it may you just give them the heart to bring it back & realize what they did was wrong. & if they don't bring it back just bless them." So I guess I let it go & tried to accept the situation because I viewed it as a win-win situation if I do or don't get it back. If I do get it back yay! If not, still yay cause I get to buy a new one with hot pink wheels like I've always wanted. So I just let it go & let God take control. 30 minutes into practice I turn around and these two guys (they weren't the ones who stole it) on their boards were yelling and trying to ask us, "Whose board is this? (pointing at it)" I heard them so I ran to them and said "Oh man that's mine!" & one guy said, "Well be careful cause this is a bad place to put a board. I almost rode into it." [If you know bruin walk, it was all the way in the middle of the plaza like where people walk through] So I told him I was sorry & that I think someone tried to jack it but gave it back. So from there I felt truly blessed cause God is good. So now I'm happy not only because I got my board back but because I learned a lesson. Never underestimate God's power even if it has to do with simple things or if you feel you can handle it yourself. Be still and know that he is God.

One of my favorite scenes from the Bible

John 8.
specifically John 8:7
"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone..."

An image that keeps me in awe.

That tiny speck is Earth floating in an enormous universe reigned by one BIG (not even an accurate description) God. & to think that WE, infinitesimally in size compared to all of this, matter so much to Him? AMAZING. [:

I tell you 'this',
but I don't do 'this'.
how depressing...

To think

Lately, I have been stagnant with my faith. I have so many goals to reach with it but I never really came around to them. I know that's not an excuse, but it's the truth. In the back of my mind I want to spiritually increase, but so many things, esp. school is keeping my from that. I understand the majority of the situation is on me because I am the one who should make time. I just feel really guilty because I don't feel like I've been pleasing Him. He deserves so much, yet I give him 1/4 of all I have. I keep telling myself, "I need to reignite this fire". I know there's a lot of people feeling this way & yes it's quite difficult. You know you want to set your mind on him, but you're so use to living your life's routine that you get caught off gaurd sometimes. I just feel like I owe it all to Him, like the moment we first met. Cause once He's on top, then everything will fall into place. Plus, it's the time when He's going to come back. The signs are obvious & the time is near. However, it is a bittersweet feeling. I'm excited for His return, yet I feel like I am not ready. & I'm afraid, that what if He comes & I wasn't one of the chosen... I know it's wrong to think that way, but I'll only be confident, once I feel the completeness. Cause right now, there's something misssing. Maybe the whole is filled, but there's no reaction. Please pray for me & so will I for you. We all need that assurance.

I've found a Valentine <3

Got this from my sister, thanks babygirl :]

OPEN YOUR HEART TO WHAT IS TRUE

Beautiful, I just want you to know

"I believe in God, as I believe the sun has risen, not because I can see it, but because by way of it,I can see everything else." C.S. Lewis

They said it was

the year of "New Beginnings" & in my case, I definitely agree. I believe that the year 2008 has been the best year for me. I remember every memory so vividly. I even notice how a majority of people state that they wish 2008 was over & 2009 would be the year for them. However, ALOT has happened for me this year--GOOD & BAD--but I appreciated every part of it anyway. For everyday an important thing to be thankful for would be your life. Yes, it is obvious why, but many overlook it. Cause without your hours, days, months, years...where would your experience be? I remember this year as one of the greatest experiences of my life. I'm just overwhelmed with the events that took place in 2008. It was not only a year of new beginnings but a year of major blessing.I've never really realized it, but truly a lot of things can happen in a year. & it speaks clear to me now that I am getting older & there's such things that I have yet to discover. I just pray that 2009 won't be the opposite. & since a picture is worth a thousand words let's have a these images speak of my incredible experience<3

Beauty Tips

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides."

-Audrey Hepburn

Never disappointed

So I recieved some bad news, in which I was hoping for some good. It just put me in a position that is difficult for me to get out of, for I have to deal with the people I love most. I'm going to have to face them & tell them something they don't want to hear. It's really hard, but as I was looking for some words of wisdom through friends, the only legit one was from a devotion. I remember that before I started what I did, I prayed really hard for a great outcome and did everything out of my best. However, the outcome wasn't what I expected. But I remembered God's promise, that he would never disappoint us. Although, I'm in a situation as this, his promise is still there waiting to be fulfilled. It's not that it stops here, but that it's still being built up. & I'm waiting for that. This unfortunate situation is just a pit stop and a test of faith. The real deal doesn't come til later. So I'm believed that the positive end of the situation will soon be revealed.

What spoke to me:
December 15, 2008
Never Disappointed
ODB RADIO: Listen Now DownloadREAD: 1 Kings 8:54-61
There has not failed one word of all His good promise. —1 Kings 8:56

As an avid baseball fan, my favorite team is the Chicago Cubs. The interesting thing about being a Cubs fan is that the team has a way of letting us down. They have not won a World Series since 1908. And while they often have great promise at the beginning of the season, they usually disappoint their loyal fans in the end. One die-hard fan had it right when he said, “If they didn’t disappoint us, they wouldn’t be our Cubs!”
Thankfully, God is not like the Cubs! You can count on Him. He will not disappoint you in the end. He always keeps His promises, and His Word provides comfort, hope, and wise advice that never fails.
When King Solomon dedicated the temple, he attested to the fact that God had not let His people down: “Blessed be the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel, according to all that He promised. There has not failed one word of all His good promise” (1 Kings 8:56).
Thousands of years later, those words still ring true. And better yet, we are heirs of the greatest fulfilled promise of all time—Jesus! The longer you know Him, the more compelling He becomes.
So if you are looking for someone who won’t disappoint you, look no further. Jesus never fails! — Joe Stowell
All that I need He will always be,All that I need till His face I see;All that I need through eternity,Jesus is all I need. —Rowe
Looking for someone who won’t disappoint you? Look to Jesus.

Losing hope?

...be like Rahab, the prostitute.
Have that faith, do the deed, receive the blessing, lift Him up.

Perceive as a step, not as a hill.

Every hill in life is too high if we think we must climb it all at once. But no hill is insurmountable if we take it one step forward at a time—with God’s help. — Dave Branon

Rollercoaster Ride

So there's been good and bad happening. The days are going by so fast. Sometimes I'm comfortable and sometimes I'm not. I can't even explain how I am feeling right now. I love college, I love the independence but there's still so much I miss. Sometimes I wish I could've taken everyone with me, but it would be unfair because they wouldn't get to experience their life at the moment. I have to let them go through the stages that I endured & enjoyed. I really don't know what I am talking about right now. There's just so much on my mind. So many things to do in so little time. I'm just slowly letting go & letting God. Peace<3

I want to go back to my first love.

So lately I've been thinking. Where am I in my walk? I know I've been doing the right things, but have I been growing or am I just comfortable where I am at, feeling stagnant? I realized that I'm not giving enough. It's not that my faith is slipping, but it's just that it's not moving forward. So now I've realized that I have to get back on track. I want to go back to my first love. I want that feeling of joy & excitment when I first accepted Him into my heart. That feeling where you're not really sure of it, but you took the risk anyways. That feeling of faith & trust. & knowing that His promises fulfill & you always have that peace inside of you. I want that feeling again. Where I can careless about the world & have that close relationship with my God. I just remember those days where my fire was so drastically burning. But I know now, that I've known him longer, my life is going to be tested. Before he was the one who would welcome me, because I was new. Now it's my duty to keep welcoming Him to remind Him that I still need Him. && I want everyone to see that. My friends, my family, everyone. I'm sorry if I have portrayed someone who you didn't expect me to be. But it's never too late & this time around, I want to make things better.

A few days ago my sister had this trippy dream. Ask me about it later. It was a dream for her, but it spoke to me as well. Because it made me think, do I really deserve that looking at where I am at right now? I mean of course I'd love to take that route, but when you're feeling uncertain then there's something wrong.

I don't only want this for me. Everday I pray that my friends & family find this special love as well. I just want to share this to everyone & allow you to make Him the foundation fo your life. Honestly, once you're sure of this & have Him in your heart, no doubt life is so much clearer & capable to endure.

Anyways I'm just glad for that wake up call. Now that all the prophecies are being fulfilled & so many things that were mentioned in the Bible are happening in this world, it only means one thing. The time is near & He's coming soon. & before He comes I want to make sure I'm ready. Not by the good deeds, the kind acts, avoidance of sin, but by rekindiling and making strong the relationship I had with Him. Just when you think He closed the door on you, He never did. He was just waiting for you to take the first step & come in. Therefore, we should all go back to our first Love. (:

Peace

I like that mentality: If it was delayed this time, there's something better planned for the next.

Early Morning

So I woke up extra early this morning. I woke up at 8?! I tried going back to sleep but I couldn't. I had a lot on my mind & it just murdered me. So I got advice from a few friends. I am so thankful for them because they give me both sides to understand. At first it really bugged me to see that. Cause that's what I didn't understand. Like how can you do that when you're already talking to someone right? But then like he said "it's just a picture" So I guess. If that's the case then so be it.I don't want no excuses. I don't want no cover-ups. I just want to know wassup so I don't waste my time. & I don't want it to be an issue that's passed up. If we have to talk, then we have to talk. We can't just pass it by & hope things get better over time. It ain't no fairytale like that. I just don't want to end up looking like a fool! I know of his past, but I trust, like he said that he's changed. && maybe it's just him to be super nice to girls. But the thing is yeah, I'm over it. I mean I still get that ugly feeling inside every time I see the picture. But he's still pursuing me so that means that he does have feelings for me, right? I'm just afraid it might happen to me again. I got screwed over once already && I don't want that. Nobody wants that. That's why this time around I'm just praying for the truth. If whatever he's saying is true then great, that's what I want. && If not I'll be sure to find out, & we'll just see where it goes from there. As for now, like I've always been, I'll just be optimistic & think of the better things in life & the positive outcomes. Cause if it isn't this, then there's something so much better. & I'll find mine.

Dang, got me thinking.

So last night I couldn't sleep & I ended up watching Blood Diamond. The movie kind of got to me. I've seen movies like that, but I've never took into consideration the struggles that those families have to face each day. I've never processed it in my mind that that's REALITY. I'm still not up to date with the history of Africa & I'm still a bit confused of why there's a war in that country. The revolutionaries are horrible & it makes me sad knowing that this is going on right now. But then again, I am just truly blessed to know that I don't have to live my life thinking that any minute I could be dead. Their situation reminds me to appreciate mine. I know they wish for a life like mine & I wish it for them too, but all I can really do now is just continue to pray for them & pray for peace.